Time took its toll

I am in control. And we were lovers now we can't be friends.

We were lovers

You are the melting man

Melt. My lover. Melt.

I am so hideous

And I

And I...

Hoping... feeling...
I will come back to you
And hold you in my arms

And I...
I know you're wrong but
I can't change a single thing
It's like it's meant to be!

Inside I feared to find it...
That you cannot stand the fact
I'm not in love with you

And I...
I've got the feeling
That I've really had enough
It had to end right here!
There was nothing left to lose
Despite the time we've spent...
Nothing left for you

And I...
Still had the feeling
I won't find in you what I still sought
So what am I to do?!

Yaritza

Defined according to Urban Dictionary.

1.	yaritza
	some one that is sexy and hot;lovable, sexy. she will pick you up with a smile and everyone loves this type of person most likely a girl dam that girl is a yaritza
2.	Yaritza
	Amazing, Beautiful, Intelligent, Awesome, a great friend. Someone you can always depend on. She's weird, but in a good way. She keeps conversations fun. She's an awkward person, but the people she hangs around are awkward. She's just a great person overall. If you're blessed Yaritza in your life...don't lose her. She'll be there for you always and she's nothing like anyone else. She's one of a kind and irreplaceable. She's down right..amazing. Nothing can describe her sheer uniqueness. She's perfect. Yaritza's the best person
3.	yaritza
	Another term for a monkey. A BIG, HAIRY, monkey. It is said to be King Kong's great granddaughter. Was thought to be extinct after the death of King Kong, but no one knew that he fucked that one chick and she gave birth to a "yaritza" Person A: "Why is there a monkey walking around town?" Person B: "That's not a monkey, it's a Yaritza. Person A: "I didn't know those existed..." Person B: "They do, King Kong fucked that one chick. Person A" Oh."

I RIKE ALL OF THESE DEFINITIONS. Especially number 2 it defines me the best whoever wrote it has me spot on except the whole being perfect part. I'm not but everything else YESH. Thanks.
And number three just kills me. LAWL.

Whats your name mean?

To be swallowed whole

by the empty coldness of it all. Tonight was just that, just that.



" shut the window, love. keep the world outside. I don't want to think about anyone but the footsteps are getting louder, drowning out the sound of the rain, as it knocks on the windowsill. I'm not answering the phone -- let it ring. lately I've been feeling like a falling bomb. the ground is getting closer and the sky is falling down. this song has been brough to you by a falling bomb."

I am a previous chapter in your book that you will reread once or twice.

but you forget books have alternate starts and ends. The reader takes it as it will.

i don't think publishers like that...

but you forgot

its not about the publisher

its about the readers reaction

and what they take from it

the publisher has no control

She's lost it all

Then why does she keep coming back?

because that's all she ever knows

its the book that has been read the most

the most familiar

line from line

it's her favorite book

that's why she keeps coming back because it's the only book worth a fuck to know line per line

that's why

the book that even in death its lines will float like empty silhouettes

How is this true if she has no interest in the story?

The writer can only take so much. Sometimes books become to much to handle. So you put it down for a bit. It could take a while to pick up again but when it does it will pick up wherever it left off and the story will go on.

The question is when will she pick it up and realize it's new again?

The reader nor writer never likes new. It likes old and the familiar. When she realizes this only then will she be able to pick up again and see the lines in a new light... only then. Right now is not the time.

You know why she puts it down? Because she can not bear to turn the page to unfamiliar ground. So she ends it in a familiar place and hopes for the best--so the book never loses it's meaning.

If the book is worth it maybe it will read itself and will no longer need the writer nor reader... but itself to go forth.

I hope this for you.

You've lived so brightly You've altered everything

I really have. I really have outdone myself this time. I really have.

Check it out

I'm still alive and have lost control.

Now is this a good or bad thing? I haven't really decided yet. For once I am just being young, dumb, and carefree I owe to myself after all. For once I am finally not giving two fucks and for once I am going to do me.

It's summer after all. Suck it.

I saw you from the distance

Song of my life. (For the moment).

OH HAI!

I'm still alive!
Sorry I have been M.I.A but I have been more concerned in working out, working,school, my internship, and social life...so sorry...
BTW I am starting something new...which is experimenting with film ( disposible cameras)and writing in a journal with optimistic things in it only. One entry a day...meaning I have to write something I am happy, grateful, or love a day for a year. This should change my attitude. Anyways that's all. BYE!

Back to Nerd mode

Life will be the death of me, I swear. This semester is gonna serve me well but it's okay because I'm so ready to prove everyone wrong. I can do this.
Only these things are in my way...
5 credit internship
four classes which luckly are very interesting (modern dance class, video production, Social problem with Boltan DUH, and creative non-fiction.)
Work
and somewhere in between my social life, sleep, meals, showering, getting ready, working out and homework.
No worries I got this.


SIGHHHHH.

First fortune of the Year

ay ay.

2011. BEND OVER. Get ready to get owned.
This years resolutions
1. strive to be a happier and a more optimistic person. This means the following.

• Stop living my life through the past. Meaning stop thinking of all the what if's and what could have been but grow and learn from the past as well as accept what is done is done nothing I can do now to change it.
  
• Stop living my life with anxiety or more like stop living in fear. If you didn't know by now I fear life more than death--but more than anything I fear myself as strange as that sounds.
• Stop feeling sorry for myself. It gets me no where.

2. Learn to accept who I am as well as where I come from and my past. This means I will try NOT to belittle myself anymore. I have to learn to love myself for who I am not who I WISH I COULD BE or who anyone wishes they could see me be.

3. Push myself. OR as I always say finish what you started. It is time I follow up with what I say.

4. Don't let my insecurities get in the way of meeting new people.

5. Save money. MEANING. No more shopping. But more realistically speaking I am limiting myself to one thing a month (new) and thrifted (20 dollar limit). (this one is going to be tough).

6. and lastly as probably every women in the U.S. loose weight. My goals is 10-15 pounds. And this year I am fo REAL. Come Summer time I want to finally be comfortable in my own skin and walk around in a two piece. FACT I HAVE NEVER worn a two piece. SHIT SON.

Well there ya go. There are my sorta but kinda unrealistic resolutions.
here are others which I should also mention be kinder to others, help the needy, perhaps go to church, learn to trust people blah b-fucking blah.



oh and I got a haircut. FUCK, I hate it. oops so much for being optimistic.